My woozy blog

Training and as less bread as possible. Much more healthy food anyway. 
Sweets, heaven, they aren't on my list since a long time now, only "sinned" some weeks ago with some chocolate.
The treadmill has become my friend and I really have to work against the visceral fat. With 81 cm waist, 165 cm and 60 kg I'm not in a risky group, but it isn't really healthy either.
Let's see, to get it down so I can wear my pants again

Damn, first losing my horses and because of that all in a sudden way too less activity, then the heart attack, getting not only depressed but having a lot of panic attacks as well, becoming even more inactive. I really have to change that!
Maybe I could write down, what I eat the day as well. Not here, this would become boring to read.

But for today, late up at 11 am, breakfast at 2 pm: 2 slices black bread, 1 with cheese and 1 with prosciutto and 2 eggs.
Gonna edit this post this evening, after eating, since I don't have a plan for it by now.
Btw. this was my first day with bread since a week, was only eating eggs in the morning and a warm meal in the evening.

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Ok,  8 pm, fried chicken strips and asparagus spears with a mixed salad of Ruccola, cucumber, tomatoes and garlic, olives and feta in a bit oil. 
And 2 oranges inbetween as well

Just wondering, is 1 cm down in a week possible?

More and more snow is coming, and the wild animals don't find enough food.
So I placed a pile with straw at the end of the garden, right into the path, were the deer usualy go. And every day I'm filling the pile with sunflower seeds  and very small apple pieces. Only that the apples are mostly gone before the deer show up, the birds are happy about those too.

The elm in my garden is now extreme busy with birds and since two days, I have the Yellowhammer there too. 

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Just a short note for myself. When I made the post on the 16. January, I didn't knew, what I know now. A huge amount of trust was involved.

I was just looking through the house, to find something I can use as a replacement between two cupboard elements in the kitchen upstairs.
Of course I looked also in the old kitchen downstairs and that was that.

Why have I ever agreed to remove all and everything, even the walls?
Why, why, why?
Because I really believed, that all the people who said, they are coming to help would show up. Even though I already knew deep inside, that Tjrven's friends can't be trusted.
Damn it, it's 8 years now and the kitchen is still a romm we can't use, cause even the fucking walls aren't in place!

We gonna sell the house ...
We don't need to to anything anymore, people will do their own stuff anyway ...
We don't need to invest work or money ...

And all I see is, that with every thing that is not done, the price will go down and maybe interested people won't buy, cause they wanna move in at once and not a year after buying.

And I can't do a thing! Cause I fucking don't have the possibility.
No material, no car to buy and even if, with what?

And then I see the pills in front of my nose and the question "Why not?" is getting louder and louder very fucking single time!
 

It's snowing and it seems, it won't stop at all.

Yesterday 2 deers came very close to the house, searching for something to eat. And all I have left in the barn is straw, no hay at all

I hope, I can mix up some food for them and also give them water to drink.

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And some pretty good news
I won in a render competition at renderosity, first prize and I'm very, very happy

This reminds me, that I really need some smileys for my blog here. If only my external hd would work, but this is broken and I don't have that much money, so I can send it to a professional repair station.
Not because of the smileys, but all my photos and documents I really would like to save.

Today, my living room got an update. Furnitures moved, plants got new soil, and some re-arrangements made it all even more cozy.

Sometimes I wonder, why I'm still doing it, since the plan is, that this year is the very last year in this house, on this farm. Fixing the problems, put in a kitchen downstairs, a drainage around the house, maybe a new roof and put it on sale.
And then?
Italy, here I come --- hopefully
or
find a place in Norway
or
take the chance to move to Denmark to this nice little island

Shall I play the safety card? That would mean stay in Norway.
Shall I go half safety? Then Denmark would be the next choice.
Or shall I follow my dream, take the big risk and jump? Well, then it's Italy.

And nothing and no one who could help me with this decision.
Almost 64 now, but still sometimes the wish to have someone around to make a decision for me.

Sometimes it really sucks being an adult.

The last day of the official calendar year 2025.
Even though it's not the beginning of a new year in the meaning of seasons, it's the day, everyone is celebrating.

But what exactly are they celebrating?
That they made it through a year, are they happy, that this number is done?

Or are they celebrating, that they can start "all over" in a new year?

It doesn't matter at all!

After 30 years not going to any party at all, for many different reasons, I'm going out tonight.
Still missing the mood to do so, but I said yes, so I'll go.

Wishing everyone a wonderful night, if partying or not

And now the cheesy sentence, yes, I do it :D

See you next year again

Taking a walk with my dog, it's frosty but warm enough to feel the sun through the cloth.

And there is this mushroom on the fence bar and the ever growing wish to have a cam,  a real good cam I can handle, to take photos, I don't need to sharpen in photoshop.
But since I don't have one and don't have a clue, how to use the Nikon from my son, beside, that for this is a cam you need a pod, heavy as it is, I used my mobile and sharpened the photo.

Shopping around the Christmas time = pure nightmare!

Going through the store with my little basket, a bit of bread and cheese and other little daily things, those things that were empty yesterday.
People around me with their shopping carts filled to the brim.
And I'm wondering - again - like every year, that the heck is going to happen?

World under? A big starvation? Or any other horror scenario, that people need to shop as if this is the very last chance.

A couple, almost storming out from the store, she dressed up pretty elegant, all in black with some glittering rhinestone at the cuffs and coat hem. Even her hair in the same black as her outfit.
He, more casual, but definitiv fancy enough for a nice dinner with family or friends.
She's holding a cheap flower pot, wrapped in plastic, in her hand, the gift for the host.
This last minute, I don't know what to buy - gift.

And then there is the funny stuff
On our way from the store I had to take a picture, and was wondering, if they had a cam installed somewhere to see peoples reaction. But then again - nope, not really, cause there isn't even a sidewalk and walking there is pretty dangerous, but we don't have any other chance.

I can only guess, the fence must be some about 3 meters, so this guy is for sure about 5 meters
And yes, it's a complete plastic Santa, we were able to see it from the side of the fence

--- not away but down to the Lågen.

The water and the colors looked so beautiful, so I had to go down to the Lågen to take some photos.
Well, not really going, cause the leaves made it a good slide to the river bank.
 

The way up was not easy for me, damn, I need more training, my heart was racing like crazy.
But it was worth it and I saw, that the beaver had been pretty active, he took down a bunch of young trees. Still waiting for the day, that he will take down the huge fir.

It was a good day so far
The chicken get a clean house and I cleaned the garden around as well. 
Lütten was happy to explore the river bank and I enjoyed being at the river too

Now I will put the turkey into the oven, it will take some hours, til it's done.

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Edit: I just got a mail, that made this day even more wonderful. To know that someone is alife is like a gift ♥

Another sleepless night, my brain was playing rollercoaster, not one thought to catch and all ways too fast.

Do you know this feeling, when laying in bed and you can hear your heartbeat?
Usual this isn't a problem at all, at least not for a healthy person.

Well, mine beats like a clock work and you could think, I'm fine and happy about it, right?
But I'm not!
All concentration goes to that beat and I can forget the hope, to fall asleep.
Of course, many times I don't recognize it, that should be the absolute normal thing!
But not for me!
All concentration goes straight to the beat I don't hear --- and I can forget the hope, to fall asleep.

It was 5 o'clock in the morning, that I took the last look on the watch, was almost gone, the door opened and my dog came in. 
Again twisting and turning and finally I was sleeping.
Woke up 09:50 and thought *wow* that's good, just 10 more minutes and woke up again a bit over 11:00

This is so exhausting!
Ok, I could take a pill, but damn it, my fear to end up in an addiction makes it impossible for me.

I just wanna sleep, like any other normal people, just sleep.