03/08/2026

Amazing!

That was the most amazing weekend and experience EVER!

So many people and everyone was helping.
Except one side of the house, all is painted.
The old pillars in front of the door are gone and new ones are in place.
The sewer tank got some pipes --- and I was shocked to find out, that there never were any pipes at all.
The broken stairs down to the river GONE!
The little barbecue hut got a new painting too.

So much in just 2 days.

And honestly, I have really amazing neighbors. 
It was loud, the first party ended at 4 o'clock in the morning, the second one was until 6 o'clock in the morning and not one complain.

The people had so much fun, different kinds of music, so people were dancing in the garden and dancing the barn.
The relaxing room in the barn, so beautiful decorated by Silje and everyone who went in the took of the shoes. So much love and respect ♥

We had Poi performances, we had fire performances, it was magical, really magical.
People came we didn't even knew and when all was done and the party was over, everyone cleaned up.

It was a weekend of sharing, giving and taking and all filled with so much fun, laughter and love.

I'm thankful, more than any words could ever tell.
Thank you ♥ to each and everyone.
It was great, it was amazing, it was fantastic, I don't have enough word to say, how fabulous it was ♥

 

Fire flow :)

https://rumble.com/v7dpd8u-fire-dance.html?mref=2y4qkt&mrefc=4

 

 

 

31/07/2026

Teamwork day

Today and tomorrow, many people will show up and help painting the house and do a lot of other work.

The scaffold is almost done around the house, the chicken are locked in, so another one can dig up the ground from the sewer tank to the field, so new tubes can be set in.
I'm just glad, that we told our neighbors about the noise, cause the music is already roaring.

It will be exciting to see, how all will turn out.

And the princess without her mask is walking around, looking good.

29/07/2026

Victory

It took almost a year and my account at a specific side was opened again and I'm able to download all I've ever purchased there.

I'm saving all my render and deleting each and every single one (that will take time, over 100 render).
I sent a mail to the CEO, just being friendly and said thanks for the opening of my account.

And just right now I got a mail from him, welcoming me back at the side O_O

*err* what? No excuse, nothing at all, but welcoming me back.
Never ever!
When I'm done with saving I will delete my account for good!

Welcome back *pffffttttt*

The fairytale about the gift of time

Sorry, I don't know, who's the author of this wonderful fairytale.

The gifted time

Once upon a time, there was a king and a queen who had three daughters. People would say of the eldest, “How clever she is!” Of the second, they would remark with admiration, “Look how hardworking she is!” But when they spoke of the third, their faces would light up: “She is so kind, and she has such a wonderful laugh.”

One day, the queen said, “It is now time, my dear daughters, for you to leave home and get to know the world.” She placed an intricately woven bag over each of their shoulders, each one bulging with provisions. “This is your provision for the journey. I have given each of you a large portion of my time. Use it wisely. I cannot give you any more of it.”

The farewell was heartfelt, and then each went her own way. The First, the Wise One, hadn’t gone far before she had already made a careful calculation of how she could invest her time as profitably as possible. “Treat yourself to a little more of your time,” whispered the flowers by the wayside. “What are you thinking?” said the Wise One. “Time is money, and you don’t throw money away.” And she hurried off as if she already had no time left.

The second girl, the hard-working one, had immediately found something to do and was working hurriedly because she wanted to make the most of her time. Just then, a red ball rolled between her feet, and a child ran up and asked, “Will you play with me?” “Not now,” said the hard-working girl, “I don’t have time! I have to do tomorrow’s work today.” “Will you play with me tomorrow, then?” “I can’t. I’ll be doing the work for the day after tomorrow.” “And then—will you have time then?” “Maybe, if nothing comes up. But for now, take your ball and don’t steal my time!” So the child left and waited for the day after tomorrow.

The third daughter, however, didn’t get very far—only as far as a bench by the duck pond. A couple of elderly people were sitting there, at a loss for words, because they’d already told each other everything, and nothing new came to mind. “Do you have a little time? Come on, sit down with us!” “Of course,” she said with a smile. “I’ve been given plenty of time. I can certainly share some of it with you,” and she reached into her bag and asked the elderly couple about their lives. And they told her a great deal, and when she said goodbye, she could still hear them talking and laughing from a distance, for so many things had come to mind that they had almost forgotten.

“After a year,” the mother had said, “come back and tell us how things have gone for you.” When the year was up, the eldest sent an expensive bouquet of flowers with a short note attached: “Dear parents, thank you, but I cannot visit you. It would be unwise. The long journey to see you would take too much time.” The second daughter arrived in a great hurry and spoke of all the work that now had to be left undone; in her heart, she had already left again before she had even arrived. The third daughter, however, arrived a little late, for she had picked flowers along the way that she wanted to bring to her mother. “Do you have that much time to spare?!” asked the mother. “Of course,” said the daughter, “you never told me that the bag keeps filling up! The more time I gave away, the more I found in it.”

“You’re the only one,” said the mother with a smile, “who has discovered the secret of time given away.”

Deepl did the translation, since I was too lazy today.

 

28/07/2026

Painting

Today I got help with cleaning the house, and man, they got so much done.
I was rushing in and out, cleaning, doing the laundry, going through stuff to throw away or to keep.

And then I saw the picture at the wall and it hit my, so unexpected.

https://3dgalleria.it/render/_data/i/upload/2026/07/28/20260728171559-f20a65b4-me.jpg

Gudrun, you will never be forgotten, and for ever in my heart ♥

24/07/2026

Weird dream

I had some puppies, Dachshund puppies. Two were able to get in the half open door, before I could close it. A man, he was huge, extreme overweight, came by with his dog. He stopped and asked to see the puppies and without hesitation, he said, he will buy one, when the puppies are old enough. I held the two in my arms and answered on his questions, that these two are females.

He gave me money, one was an 1500 note, the other 150 and I showed it to someone (who?) and was a bit puzzled, cause it was Slovenian money.
The man also told me to sell the house now, there is no more time, and mentioned the bad neighborhood.

------------------------

A lot of signs in this dream, but not one really makes sense to me and my situation now.
This is so weird.

 

20/07/2026

Don't give up

there will be a solution 

If I hear this stupid sentence one more time, I scream, I swear I scream as loud as possible.

1 dog, 6 cats (maybe only 5, Blanchette is still missing) and I need a place to go to after we have sold this house. If we ever sell this house!

I can't look for a house, as long as I don't know, how much we will get for this one.
I can't rent a house, since I don't know, where I will find a place and even if, renting cost money. Money --- what money?
Go ask for social help --- yeah of course, but then I have to stay in Norway.

And every time I get to hear: There will be a solution.

Can you hear me?
I'm SCREAMING

19/07/2026

Doubts

I wish, I could have a look into the crystal ball ...

2 more weeks and many people have said, they will come to help. And I have the bad feeling, that most of them will only be here for one reason --- the party after the big work.
If this work will ever take place at all.

Ok, let's think, all will really work out, all will be done and fine and we can get an estimator to find out, how much money we can ask for.
And let's think, we are really that lucky to sell the farm.

H. will move to Larvik and T. can for sure live for a while either at L.'s place or with C. or make his dream come true, buy a boat and live there.

And what's with me?
Ok, I know know, that I would like to move to Denmark. And a lot of where, how, and from what, is kicking in.
Oh, don't you worry, everything will work out, you'll find a place --- honestly, I have enough, this isn't any comforting sentence for me.
I'm 64, my pension will be extremely little and the most scariest thought is popping up again --- for what, why should I keep going?

If I would have a goal, anything I could look forward to, but all I see is the big nothing.
Nothing and too many doubts.

And I remember the day, when Klaus called me and told me, that I don't need to worry anymore. That he put me into his last will.
It was Valentines day in 2020 when someone pulled the floor away under my feet and 2 days later, when I called the lawyer and all he said was: There is no last will. --- and hung up, before I could ask anything.

Well, I wouldn't call it: no need to worry 
 

Summer

We had some really wonderful and warm summer days, up to 38 C degree :)

Yesterday the temperature  got down to 14 C degree, very windy and some rain, starting around 3 am with thunder and lightning.
But we got a lot done and the farm is looking better with every day. Only 2 more weeks and many people will come to help us painting the house and the barn and fixing some huge projects.
Honstly, for me it will be interesting to see, how many really will help. The years here in Norway have shown me, that 99% are nothing but big mouth.
I hope so much, that it will be different this time.
The disappointment for T. would be extreme, just for him I wish, people really will help.

 

13/07/2026

Summertime

It's full summer, it's very warm and I enjoy every day :)

Side effect, I'm barely online and because of that, I forget to check in here often enough. Otoh, not much to write, except how beautiful the weather is.
Yesterday I harvested over 2 kilo with yellow cherries and I wonder, if any from my huge tree are left, cause the birds are haveing a feast.

Oh, and on Friday night I was on another Fusion party in Oslo, and this was my last one for sure. Again the music didn't touch me, I got tired very early and T. brought me to the car, so I can lay down for a bit until he and his girl wanted to go home.
It didn't took long, just some minutes and thunder and lightning started and then the rain set in.

So the party was over for them as well. 2 hours driving and we were back home quarter to 4 in the morning.
All in all it was 4 hours driving for being there for 3 hours, not worth the drive, absolutely not!

09/07/2026

Changes

It's beautiful weather and I just can't sit inside.

Going through the garden and seeing the cherries getting ripe and many red currant are already fine to eat. The black ones still need many more hours with sun.

I have the feeling, summer just began, but the fruits are telling me otherwise. What will I see next year? Will I even be at another place? Will my dream finally come true and we can sell this year?
Just to imagine, to be in Denmark in the winter time, not masses of snow, not minus 30 C degree. Strong weather, yes, lots of storms for sure, but still not that cold like here.
In my mind I can see my house, see the rooms and my garden. I really don't have a clue, where exactly it will be, but it doesn't matter at all.

Just to know where to go is a huge step forward. No more thoughts, no more doubts and the best, not really learning a new language, just some words used in a different way, and, as someone told me, that I have to think about it as another dialect.
Funny way, but yes, the similarities between Norway and Danish will help a lot.

I feel so much calmer since the Aya-ceremonies, so much more relaxed, so many worries, that are gone. I find myself smiling, just like that and even to look into a mirror isn't a horror anymore :)

07/07/2026

Weird questions

Yesterday, after I wrote, that I'm back home, I got 2 mails.
The first, that she will call later and the second mail, if she is allowed to call.

When she called, she asked a very weird question, if this is our good bye now.

I was puzzled, said No, why? and she responded, because of bad experiences in the past.
She must have been on an extreme guilt trip.

It made me wonder, really, cause 2 years ago I told her, that even though we had extreme hard times together, I'm thankful, because without treating me as the black sheep of the family, I wouldn't be whom I am today.

---------------------------------

Full sunshine yesterday and I got a lot done.
Mixed beginning today, turning into dark sky and a short but extreme strong storm. I was on to my way inot the house on the stairs and it really pushed me aside, so I had to hold onto the handrail --- WOW 
Still very windy, but I will see to get the rest of the wood out of the barn into the cellar.

 

05/07/2026

Too much

Back home again and ways too much to write down at once.

So instead of writing a post, I will start a page about the most exciting, scary, wonderful, frightful, lovely experience I've ever had.
It won't be written in a day or two, it will take time, cause I have to process so much.
And even though I'm back home now for some hours, I'm still not here.

There is a part of me, a little piece of my heart, that decided to stay in Denmark.
And now I really can't wait to sell my farm, even though it shows its best face, like every summer.

I got my call and it is Denmark calling for me to move there.

Honestly, this excitement I was waiting for, it's here, it's strong and really amazing.

And everyone, who grew up like I did, will understand my love for that special kind of nature, so similar to the area of Husum, Garding and this tiny little place named Sieversfleth, now incorporated into Tetenbüll.

https://3dgalleria.it/render/_data/i/upload/2026/07/05/20260705170054-7fd9a0aa-me.jpg

This is a screenshot from google maps, just to show the place I was living with my parents for some years.
It was known as Sieversfleth, but was incorporated many, many years ago into Tetenbüll (and I think, it's a shame!)

And if you don't really see, what you're looking at, it's the place where you can see on Monday, who will come to visit you on Sunday :D

 

28/06/2026

Tomorrow

My journey will beginn tomorrow and I'm so excited :)

And maybe I will come back, free of PTSD, after almost 2 years living under permanent stress and depression. 
Sounds wonderful, doesn't it?

Just right now I don't even know, what I could write more, so this short note will do :)

Have I mentioned, that I'm excited?

OMG, I am!

23/06/2026

Decaf

Ok, I'm not allowed to drink anything with coffein. But the habit of having my 2 cups with coffee every morning *sigh*

So i got some decaf coffee ---

honestly?

Taking out the coffein, but at the same time leaving no taste at all?
Nothing else than gnat's piss (excuse my french).
And the next, same like acohol free beer BS
There is still some alcohol left in that "beer" and so it is with decaf and coffein.

What a waste of money and such a big disappointment. At least it could have some taste, but nope.
Hot water with brown color = gnat's piss

21/06/2026

Low, lower, lowest

Yesterday I hit bottom, had my absolute low point.

I was listening to a podcast and H. came in, stood behind me, I stopped the video, he turned around and walked out.
He did it twice, kind of an old "joke" and I had told him times before, that I don't find it funny.

Well, yesterday I clicked, it was just the last drop of a series of things happening here, and I couldn't take it anymore.

All the thoughts, the worries, everything cumulated.

Selling this farm, looking for another place to go, Italy at best, but open to other countries as well.
I soo wantd to leave Norway!

It won't happen :(
I can ask here for social help, just because of all the years I'm living here.
I can't do it in any other country, that's a fact.

And I don't wanna do it here either!
But I don't have a chance.

This farm is clean, no loans, no debts at all.
So we will get out with a big plus, but anyway, this money will be gone very fast.
Buy something somewhere and live for maybe 5 years, that's it.
Or rent something, alone the rent will use up the money faster than I even wanna think about it.

So I have to ask for help and live the rest of my life, depending on social welfare :(

Thank you Klaus, thank you for just leaving/dying and the lie you told me, about me being in your last will.
Or was I, and your mafiosi mother and lawyer deleted it?
Still strange to think about, when I called your lawyer, only said my name and he said "there is no last will" and hung up the phone.
Until this day there are so many questions open, no one wanna answer.
Not your mother and not this mafioso lawyer.

Or is there a miracle waiting for me?
Maybe a littler shimmering light at the end of the tunnel?
Is there anyone responsible for miracles?
And if, whom can I ask?

 

17/06/2026

The past

Just forget the past, never think about it again --- it would be amazing in so many cases and - of course - only for the bad ones.

But from time to time the memories pop up, just like that and the pain is back as well.
And I wonder, if some people are at least ashamed for treating me like an option.

Special those ones, that took with big open hands, telling me, that they will be forever gratefull and then just silence me out, ghosting me, as if I don't exist.
Best friend -- oh how much I wish, she would read this now!
And btw Susanne, one day I will write it all down, and in German, just for you, but open to read for everyone, who can read and understand German.

Maybe I will be free then, and leave the past behind me, for good that time.

If you treat me like an option, you don't deserve me!

Btw. this sentence goes for everyone!

Show some respect and don't just call, if you need something!

11/06/2026

Sleepless in Norway

There was no sleep for me from the 9. to the 10. and when I went to bed yesterday, it was 7:30 pm.
I woke up at 0:30 am, drank a bit and slept to a bit over 9:30 today.

This insomnia is awful and I am stupid!
I could take a pill, but my reluctance to do so is immense.

I always denied to take any pills and since I got Sobril from the stupid doctor and went straight into an addiction, the reluctance is even bigger.

So for now I just hope, that the next attack of laying awake a whole night will wait for many, many weeks!

 

10/06/2026

Word play

Language is such a fantastic thing.

Yesterday I watched Undertaking Betty, a dark comedy, trivial but nicely done.

Betty, married with a man who's fooling around.
Boris, who fell in love with her, when he was a young boy, running the funeral home in the little town both are living in.

He got Betty to accept his plan, that she is going to have a deadly accident, but of course would survive, so she can be free from her husband.

Undertaker, undertaking, that's such a great wordplay for this movie.

Undertaking as in German Unternehmen, can mean a business (witch capital U) or an action (with small u)
Undertaker, correct translated by the meaning funeral director - Bestattungsunternehmer

Beside this fun wordplay, I don't get it, how one translation can be Übernehmen, as in taking over. Or maybe dict.cc just got this wrong. 

Searching

Not a single minute with sleep, my thoughts were playing roller coaster.
Gave up at 7 am and have to come through the day somehow.

And the search is on
Denmark, I found some really interesting little houses and not even expensive
Germany, a lot of almost cheap houses, but so far east, no thanks. I wanna have water, best the Northern Sea. If there wouldn't be the big, huge IF with moving to Germany!
Austria, have to take a closer look where the lakes are
Italy, heaven, these prices are the best, the big but behind, most are very far south or even Sicily, not the area I wanna go to.

And maybe I should ask for the norwegian citizenship first, just in case, cause one never knows.

 

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Neko